I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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