that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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