Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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