nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
