i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
