It's like God shit irony all over that family
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
