Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
