We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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