And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
