This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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