I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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