capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
