I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
