i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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