Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
