areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
