I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
