Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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