they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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