I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
