I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
