Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
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You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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