I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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