i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
