Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
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I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
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I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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