I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize