all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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