She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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