i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
