In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
