True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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