Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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