first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
