i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He uses pillows to masturbate.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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