dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
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Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
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Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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