I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
