guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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