the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
