I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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