11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
