Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
