I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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