Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
