Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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