guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
