Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
