I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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