I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
