Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
True strength comes from lack of pants
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
