Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
