I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
