this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
