I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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