You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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