i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
