Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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