What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
