Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
