Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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