I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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