why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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