Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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