just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you had me at cake vodka
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
