I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
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She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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